Reinventing the Internet and saving the hot dog. I'm an American Hero

Is there is such a thing as useless facts anymore? I mean yeah in 1950 who gave a fuck that it takes a week to make jelly bean, no one thought of shit like that man. Now it's 2010 and people want to know about fucking jelly beans. They wanna know everything, I think the Internet has made us more curious then anything. Yeah yeah yeah the Internet is the best way to see two chicks fucking a duck or see Bette Midler's tits but come on that's soooo last century. We have the knowledge of Zeus at our fingertips. I want to know that I can google just about any fucking thing in the world and get an answer. Did you know you can't tickle yourself. I'll give ten seconds to try it, go head 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 yeah feels like your scratching yourself huh. How about who the fuck is guy who plays Death in Bill & Ted's bogus journey? Go on look it up. William Sadler!!! Yeah that's awesome, interactive blogging, I'm reinventing the internet. So remember when someone tells you that you know a lot of useless facts tell them to fuckoff and tell them that they are just mad cause you know the number one cause of blindness in the USA is diabetes.

So this is the shit I'm reduced to now that I have no life huh. Shiiiiit man that just means I have more time with TV and the internet. So I trying to eat healthier, had me oatmeal and bananas for breakfast, thinking tuna for lunch and chicken and rice for diner. Thats pretty fucking healthy if you ask me. The only problem with eating healthy is I'm picky as fuck. I hate a lot of fucking things. So we'll see how long I can keep this up. I love eating unhealthy, pizza, greasy food, cookies, Hot dogs Mmmm hot dogs. Speaking of hot dogs did you see doctors want to change the shape. They say hot dogs are 17% responsible kids choking on food. I didn't know that, but isn't it the parents responsibility to cut up the fucking hot dog. I mean I'm no fucking quantum physicist but I do know that you need to cut up food for little kids. I think what we have here is a case of lazy parents. Stop blaming the hot dog and blame those responsible, dumb ass parents who are not smart enough to know that kids can't eat big chunks of food. Holy fuck people it's not that hard to figure out. I think too many parents are out there thinking about who's fucking who on The Bachelor, watch your kids motherfuckers. Shit!!! Alright I think I'm done with this shit now, remember Now you know and knowing is half the battle. peace dicklips.

The dead have more fun then me

Sooo whats up. I had a bad weekend, mostly due to the fact that I did absolutely nothing. And I mean nothing. I didn't leave my house at all, until Sunday when I went to get some comic books. This is because having no job has finally caught up with me. I have no money, unemployment doesn't exactly pay you a lot. So now my life is one big fucking bore, I don't do anything now. It blows and I have cabin fever. I'm taking all the money out of my 401k to payoff some bills and that should leave me with a little more money but I can't get it till march so that blows. And my sleeping habits are so fucked right now. Friday I went to sleep at 4pm, woke up at 10pm, then I stayed up till 8pm the next day. Almost 24hrs being up. Yesterday I woke up at 8 in the morning and I was up till 9 at night, so I went to sleep. I woke up three hours later. Just wide awake, I then stayed up till 4 in the morning. I'm telling you my mind is starting to go fucking crazy. I wish I could just sleep like a normal person. I need to get a job. Bad.

So I really sick of the fucking Olympics, it just takes too long and I don't really care about the Winter Olympics. Besides Hockey and that hot chick who figure skates, I couldn't give two shits about the fucking rest of it. Summer needs to get here so we can watch some World Cup Soccer. That shit is good. Did you see those russians dressed up like aborigines and now everyone is all pissed off at them. Damn those crazy russians. They must be mad because Jack Bauer keeps killing them on 24. Well this has become a boring fucking blog. I'm outta here I'll catch you tomorrow.

No more Rumplemintz please

Oh fuck I'm am one hungover motherfucker. I really feel like shit, I can't even watch Burn Notice I'm so hungover and thats pretty hungover man. My nephew is up and I just gave him a bag full of Nilla Wafers for breakfast. Like I said hungover, I really should not be watching a three year old kid right now but he a good kid he just chills and watches Batman DVDs. So I got pretty toasted last night. I think it was the shots of rumplemintz I did. Not to mention I slammed a Jack on the rocks right before closing time. But overall I had a fun night couple of my friends came out even though they gave up drinking for lint. Fucking Catholics and their goofy religion. Why give up drinking for forty days whats that going to do for you. If you want to be all religious and shit give up drinking period. I swear I don't get people. So I almost kicked some kids ass last night over a chair. I'm sitting with some friends at a table I get up too get a beer and I come back and this cum rash had taken my chair. So I kindly walked over to his table and asked for it back and the little fucknut has the nerve to tell me I took it from him. So I asked him if he really wanted to do this and he folded. As drunk as was I probably would have pounded the shit brick. Fuck I got to work out today I've put it off yesterday because I was lazy as shit but I need to do it today. Fuck this is one big paragraph of shit. Thats how fucking lazy I am, I can't even press return to start a new paragraph. Lazy fuck. So I'm listening to the new Alkaline Trio on Myspace right now. It's pretty good, not as fast as I would like but I like and I'll buy it. Nothing is really as fast as I'd like except for some D4, A wilhelm scream, or Propagandhi. My nephew kicks ass he just chills, he still watching Batman, he love this Christmas episode of Batman, watches it everyday. I fell in love about ten fucking times last night, there was a lot of chicks at the bar last night. Oh and there is this waitress at the bar, who absolutely fucking gorgeous. I mean really fucking gorgeous, like she should be on billboards or magazines. Fuck I'm a infatuated fucking nerd. I think that she thinks I'm weird though, probably cause I am weird. But anyways she's only nineteen or twenty or some shit, so that's a little young, she probably likes cage fighters, not old guys who smell like cigarettes and booze. Hey I'll tell you what I'm becoming that old private detective from the crime noir movies I like so much. All I need is detective's licence and to change my middle name to danger. Maybe a snub nose revolver to. Yeah that'll help, that's exactly what I need. And a trench coat thats cool. maybe a hat, should I buy a hat? I don't no but this has entry has been going on for a while now think I'll end it. Ight bitches I'm outta here. I think I'm gonna go se that Shutter Island tonight. Peace out.

Tom Berenger, Brad Johnson. Whats the diffrence

Hello. How are you? Me? I'm good, sitting here jobless listening to Blue Oyster Cult. I just got done watching that movie Blow with Johnny Depp, it's an alright movie. I've never gotten the appeal of drug movies though. Maybe because the only thing I've ever done was smoke some weed. And that was when I was fourteen and I've never done anything after that. I not into drugs it's just not me. So I guess thats why I don't see the fascination with movies about drugs. I don't like Scarface never had, weed smoking comedies are somewhat amusing but just not for me. Give me a good crime noir movie, LA Confidential or something like that. Ahh this is pointless, What I really what to do right now is watch Lethal Weapon 2, I don't know why but sometimes I just like to watch good action movies. Like I just order the Substitute on my netflix the other day. Still waiting for it to come in,but thats a badass movie. Tom Berenger never got the credit he deserved for his action roles. Remember that show on the now debunked UPN Special OPs Force. That shit was fucking great Tom Berenger was the man in that show. Wait that wasn't Tom Berenger that was Brad Johnson. Well fuck it, it was still a kick ass show.

I'm really bored with life right now. I went out for Mardi Gras on tuesday and it was alright had more fun hanging out with my friends then really anything that was going on with the people at the bars.Though I got a number of free cigerettes from girls. I just went up to them with beads and told them I didn't want to see thier tits, I just wanted a cigerette. And it worked. I'm telling you, you can always point out the dumbass girl who's gonna take off her shirt for something as stupid as beads. I mean show your tits for money or free drinks anything but fucking plastic little balls on a string. I mean if I could get free drinks for showing chicks my dick I would. But I wouldn't for fucking beads because I get nothing out of it. Whatever fucking dumb chicks. Oh but I did see that hottest chick I've seen in awhile. This Miller Light promotional girl, fucking good fucking god this chick was hot as fuck. Even the girls were checking her out.I tried to get a free beer from her but she said I had to buy a Miller Light to get a free one, and there was no way in hell I was going to buy a Miller Light, I'll take a free one but I don't buy shit. Anywho I'm done with this shit for now. Sorry for no updates, I've been depressed laying in bed watching shitty movies. Alright Later bitches till next time. Keep your noses and asses clean.

Watch out for that first threesome, it's a doozy.

I know. I know. I know. You hate me, you all hate me. I haven't given you the drug that you needed. I know everyone needs some acorn and I haven't given any. Well my adoring public I'm back. I sorry I haven't written in over a week, but I've been obsessed with the Hefty/Stinky commercial you know the one thats has the trash saying Stinky then the hefty bag comes out and says Hefty then it's all "Stinky stinky, Hefty Hefty, Stinky Stinky, Hefty Hefty" and so on and so on. Craziness man, So I have been really in a drunken state lately, Like really bad. I got pretty fucked up the other night. Not good, I through up in my sink, lost my phone in my driveway, and made out with a not so good looking girl at the bar. Whatever right I'm twenty...................four...... no.........eight. Yeah Twenty Eight, thats still young enough to make out with ugly twenty one year old girls? Right. Well fuck you, your as young as you feel. No so I've been getting drunk a lot lately, most of it do to the fact that my sorry ass has no J. O. B. and I have nothing to do but sit around watching my Buffy the Vampire Slayer collection, reading comic books, and pondering life in my blog. Huh I'm turning in to the comic book guy on The Simpsons.

Well as most of you know Valentines day is coming up, and guys just a warning for Saturday night (the night before Valentines day) because you know that you can go to a bar and find some hot chick who is down on her luck, has really low self confidence right now because she couldn't find a date for Valentines and you want to be Captain Save a Hoe and rescue her from her bitter friend( who also can't find a date) who is telling her that every guy is a fucking scumbag and that she should become a lesbo with her, because in all reality she's in love with the hot chick but just hasn't been able to get out the words to tell her, and you come along acting all broken hearted too, You come in and sweep the ladies off their feet and then the hot chick and her bitter friend are all over you and want to take you home and BAM!!!! Next thing you know your in a threesome and the bitter friend has a strap-on up your ass and your crying cause this is not the way you pictured your threesome. Just telling you to be cautious out there on Saturday and watch out for that scenario. Cause it happened to a guy I know.(insert cheesy accordion music like something suspenseful just happened)

AHH so I'm trying to type this and help a three year old draw the red Spider-Man and the black Spider-Man, He draws really good for a 3 year old but he gets all frustrated because his drawings don't look like the cartoon, And I have to tell him to keep trying and practice thats how you get good at drawing. He's driving me crazy. Ok I got to go make lunch, Catch you bitches later.

Fuck off, busy

Busy right now no time to blog it up today see ya tomorrow

I got a case of the Muuuundays

Ughh it's Monday, Monday sucks. My fucking head hurts, it's late, I'm pissed I didn't write this early and I'm pretty fucking broke now. I got my unemployment, buts that's shit, It's less then half of what I made. I need a job, a real job, and fucking soon. Last week was fucking crazy, I went out 4 out of the 7 days.(hence me being broke) Thing is I wanted to go out with a bang and I did, we got all fucked up. I went out with some of my best friends Saturday (my other best friends stayed home) and we had a pretty fun time. So the Super Bowl is this week, I don't really care for either team. But I gonna have a good time still. You know what I'm still kinda pissed about being a jobless broke loser and it's late, I'll catch ya later. Peace fuckers.