Problems with cell phones and alcohol

You know what I am? (Besides a drunk, jobless, man-child) I'm a drunk texter and caller. Yup I'm the person thats texts his best friend at four in the morning to tell him that he loves him. Or I'm the guy who texts a girl and says she's one of the best people I know, or I'm the guy who texts a girl he just met and asks her out at six in the morning. Drunk texting is bad. Really bad. Sometimes I can't help it, I get drunk and I call or text people. Two weeks ago I called my sister, drunk off my ass to tell her I loved her. Don't remember, but she told me I did it. Last Saturday I called my cousin Troy at 3:30 in the morning to talk to him about some end of the world shit I saw on the History Channel. When I'm drunk (and let's face it I'm depressed from having no life or job) I shouldn't have a fucking phone on me. It just ends bad. And I look like a fucking weirdo. Whatever, I don't think I'm getting shitty this weekend, I got my cousin Ruben's bday party to go to, and then a baby shower for my friends Chuck and Elvy. I hear there will be single ladies there, so If I somehow charm someone into giving me their phone number I'm handing my phone to someone else. or I'm need to put a time lock on my phone. Fuck alright I'm out, see ya later I need to go buy comic books.

So long and thanks for the depressing ass blog.

So I still have no job and well, can't complain too much. I sit around watch tv shows and movies, read books and comics, And occasionally workout. (when I'm not being completely fucking lazy) Oh and I write this badass motherfucking blog that no one seems to read,but I don't give a fuck. So anyways, for the most part I watch tv shows that I DVR. And well I have a new favorite show. It's called Justified, it's on FX and its fucking awesome. It's only on the second episode but the writing on the show is sooo fucking great. (the dialogue is truly great, how many shows can have a funny and serious conversation about dildos?) Seriously watch the fucking show and tell me I'm wrong. Now I watch a lot of TV, well because I have nothing better to do and I just love good writing. So I know some good shit when I see it. And this is one the most well written show. Fuck man I wish I could write half as good as those motherfuckers. See I can plot a story, I mean I have like twelve scripts that I'm trying to write and I know how I want the story to go but dialogue is the hardest part to get down. because dialogue is the meat between the bread. Some people have a knack for writing dialogue and some people don't. I think I'm the later. So anyways that seems to be what I'm writing about today unless you want to read about some of the most fucked up shit I've ever heard? You do, Great.

So most people don't know who Fat Mike is. He plays bass and sings in the band NOFX well this week at the SXSW (thats the South by Southwest music festival in Austin, Texas if you don't know) He played a solo show as Cokie The Clown (Fat Mikes alter ego) Well he came out on stage with a bottle of tequila and poured some 40 shots for him and some fans. They took the shots and then he played some songs. After a couple songs he started to tell stories about how he and a bandmate witnessed a rape when they were kids,how his father told him he didn't want him. How while his mother was dying in the hospital he gave her a lethal dose of drugs and held a pillow over her face, when she asked him to help her die. And a couple other things that I read about because I couldn't make all the way through the youtube video. At the end he told the crowd of 400 shocked people that he had a video for them and walked off stage. They wheeled out a TV and played the video. The video showed Fat Mike, just before he was going onstage, with the bottle of tequila about half full. He then pulls out his dick and pisses in the bottle filling it up. The camara then follows him on stage. It was probably one of the most fucked things I've read about.(like I said I couldn't watch the whole thing on youtube it was that bad.)

When you listen to music (real music,written by the artist themselves, not some Black Eyed Peaed bullshit.) you really get to know that person. Their hopes, fears, and dreams all rolled up into song, and you get a personal connection with the person. It's kinda hard to see someone that you once idolized breakdown like that. I guess we got to remember that these punk rock heros are just as or more fucked up then us fans. So Fat Mike if you every stumble upon this blog I have, hang in there man, hope evrything works out for you in the end.

Wow some really depressing shit today huh, well I guess thats all for today I need to go watch Lost and maybe then I'll go work out. If I'm not gonna be a lazy fuck today Peace homies.

Who wants free shit?

Hey fucks! Whats up, you know whats funny? People thats who. People are so fucking funny, it makes me want to fucking go bonkers. Yes I said bonkers. No, wait for realz homies, people are funny. You know when Denny's has that free Grand Slam breakfast bullshit, and people line up for fucking hours just to get some free breakfast. It fucking funny. People (mostly 'Merican people) will do anything for something free. They always love free shit, hell people will kill each other for some free shit. My mother once sat in line for two hours for some free coffee. Yup you heard right a free cup of fucking coffee. When she could have gone to the fucking Circle K down the street and pay a dollar twenty five for the same thing. I don't get something is free and people go fucking crazy.

Which leads me to my next point. Why the fuck are people going crazy over this fucking free health care bullshit. Crazy people are threatening to assassinate the President over this shit. I mean I dislike like Obama, hell I hated Bush and nothing ever got me pissed off enough to twitter an assassination letter. Especially on twitter what a fucking douche huh, why can't you be clever enough to fucking cut letters outta twenty different magazines while slicing your finger prints off with razor blades. Now thats crazy, not fucking twitter, twitter is fucking gay man (not gay, homo gay, gay lame gay) fucking punk ass technology nerds and their fucking dumbass fucking nerd computer shit. So anyways these fucking weirdos are even shooting up congressman's offices, I thought they liked free shit I thought all 'Mericans loved free shit. So stop fucking complaining about this shit and get with the fucking program. The old way wasn't fucking working so great so lets try this. I talked to a dude I know this weekend at a bday party and he's a doctor, he loves the idea of helping people without having to worry if they have health insurance. It my work, it my not work, but for people to say that the country is going into the shitter now, hello where the fuck have you been? the country has been in the shitter for the last eight years, it hasn't just started now. Anyways I'm done talking about this shit. hey has anyone seen that windows 7 commercial with the french chick? well she fucking hot, I'm gonna move to France and find me a french chick, at least in France they don't whine about health care. Later bitches.

You always hurt the ones you love.

Hey, hello, how ya doing? Today I'm going to go into yesterdays entry. So on the blog of the great Brendan Kelly (bassist and singer of the greatest band in the world The Lawrence Arms) there has been a little argument about the band Against Me! Some people hate them for "selling out" and some people still don't care and love them anyways. So in Mr. Kelly's blog , he wrote about how if didn't like Against Me! anymore, then you were envious prick and you should do something with your life. Well this kinda made me angry, and I said that BK should go suck a cock. Well this does not mean that I hate BK or The Larry Arms, I know that he is sticking up for his friend and thats fine, I would probably do the same thing if a friend was attacked. But for BK to say that not likeing his friend's band is Sarah Palin like is kinda goofy. What I always loved about punk rock was the fact that you didn't have to agree with everything that a band was saying. It's about thinking for yourself and looking at everyone's view point. I'm not a vegan, I'm not a pacifist, I don't give a shit about stright edge, I don't fucking care about the scene. I like bands that don't give a fuck about money or labels or what their fans think. That's why I love the Lawrence Arms, They write heartfelt songs that speak to me. Alkaline Trio has been on a major label before and I still loved them, they changed thier sound and still I loved them and bought their records, even when people said they sucked and said I wasn't punk if I liked them. Well then I guess I'm not a punk, to me they never changed and I never lost that connection I felt when I listened to their music. With Against Me! New Wave just lost that passion, I don't give a fuck if every single critic in the world thought it was the greatest album ever or if Chris Hannah himself said that it was his favorite album, I don't like it. It didn't have that connection that I felt with previous albums. It doesn't mean I hate Tom Gabel for "selling out". It means I didn't like the last album. That's it thats all. I am by no means a jealous motherfucker for not liking something. I will listen the White Crosses and If I like it I'll buy it just like I do everything else. And if I ever met Tom Gabel I'll say "Hey Tom, love your music man, take it easy." Cause I do love the music, I just don't like one thing that he made. Alright man thats it for this subject, I'm done arguing about this shit. Later guys.

Yeah, you're wrong.

you know what I hate ? You really want to know what I hate. When people can't make up their own minds and take up the opinion of some semi famous person for the sake of "agreeing" with him. Now I love BK as much as the next guy but most of these people on the "cool" sock drawer would just agree with BK because he is soooo cool and he's in a band , rather then have him frown upon them, like some father punishing his children, get a life you fucks. And for the record I think against me sucks now and I'd rather watch elton john jerk off george michael on stage then watch AM. So the next time someone like BK tells me that I'm just jealous because I'm not in the "scene" well he can go suck a cock too. cause I know who I am and and what I belive and I've never got into "punk rock" to agree with anyone.

Viva Las Vegas? Uh no.

So I getting ready to leave on a two day trip to the land of geriatrics, hopeless desperation, and hookers. Yup you guessed it. Vegas!! Ok I'm not really a fan of Las Vegas it's expensive, it's crowded and there is always an asshole who thinks he is more important then he really is. For my money Laughlin is about twenty times better. But no one listens to me, so I guess I'm the asshole. I will try to have fun, I'm going with a couple of good friends, so that helps. Well I guess I ought to be going, try not to suck any dick on your way through the parking lot. Peace bitches.

Fat Mexican Don Draper. Nuff Said!!!!

Soooo...ooo....ooo Hey been long time. No. Well first off lets start off with this. I need a new hair style. Yup mine sucks. I look like a fat mexican Don Draper ( Jon Hamm from Mad Men) but thats when it's long, when its short I look like a fat mexican marine. Yeah so anywhich way I lose ( ha you know that Clint Eastwood movie with the monkey. so funny.) But yeah need a new hair style. maybe I should train it to go back like I had it in 6th grade. I was so gangster in 6th grade with my slick back hair and Massimo green t-shirt. I always saw myself as a cooler version of Dean Martin back in 6th grade. You know, the ladies man, smoked cigarettes, short glass of milk. Hey I was in 6th grade I couldn't drink short glasses of whiskey yet ok. I was a pimp and I had cool hair.Know I have shitty hair. I have a very short window for good hair, it lasts a week where its perfect. Hair makes the man I'm telling you. And my hair blows. I thought of growing it out but then I really look bad. I don't know what to do. I think I should just cut it really short. Fucking hair man.

Next thing when are we gonna get some monkey knife fights in the good ole USA. We need that shit. What else oh so there is the whole earthquake thing thats happening around the world right now. I mean first Haiti. Then Chile, now Turkey. Who is next Mother earth? WHO IS NEXT? But the thing that trips me out is the whole American media ignoring Chile. I haven't heard shit about it. They just went like "Oh didn't happen" where is the fucking Telethon bitches. I mean I know Latinos are the second most hated race in America right now because were "ruining YOUR country" but come on man give some of that Telethon money. Now I'm not even gonna try to get some money for Turkey cause lets face it all Muslims are terrorist right. Right? Right? Yeah? What? No? Yeah? Maybe? Fuck you xenophobic America give them money too. Hey I'm just trying to point out the hypocrisy of this text Haiti to 99998 bullshit in which they probably didn't see any of that money either. Whatever at least give us the fucking option to text 99998 to fucking Chile or Turkey. For the love of Ray J give us the option. I don't belive in that shit, it's just like the 9/11 money goes into some assholes pocket. Goddamn cock suckers.

Aight motherfuckers see ya later I gotta get some sleep, watch out for Motherearth California. Peace.

Lazy Fuck

I know I need to post something but I can't because I'm a lazy fuck. later